Bleeding again

Shortly after finding out about the pregnancy I was back at the ER... bleeding. And oh miracle - there was a perfect tiny baby with a perfect heartbeat - and exciting but very shaky hope. However the whole situation was not so perfect. I had subchorionic bleeding - I have never heard of it before, but learned that I guess it was kinda common. It is also something that can not be explained in most cases and can do either of these three - keep increasing and lead to miscarriage, stop at some point and allow normal pregnancy or continue through out the pregnancy - with either more or less normal birth, preterm birth and sometimes induced very preterm birth... A lot of not very exciting possibilities that would keep one anxious.
I was feeling ok over all and doing my best taking it easy... I had mild morning sickness which seemed sort of comforting at that time. I was ordered to come back in a few days for another scan - baby was still doing good, but bleeding grew :( 
I remember waking up on Valentine day and not feeling nauseous - my heart dropped... As i was still only at about 8 weeks and I read about it, that when you have pregnancy symptom suddenly disappear before it is normally expected to go away... well sometimes it means a hormonal drop due to pregnancy not progressing.
And then few days later something very unbelievable happened. This is really hard to write about - but it is also the part I want to get out there the most - as I was sort of prepared for miscarriage, and that being second time in a row i have read plenty and it was still fresh in my mind - I do not remember reading anything like what I am about to tell you - and I so wish I was prepared for it at least a little. 
On a side note wanna mention something absolutely incredible about  toddlers sensitivity. We managed to not tell our kids about the baby this time - and just were acting as whatever was going on was related to the previous pregnancy loss... My daughter just turned two and I was trying to wean her with no success. In fact it seemed to make her want to nurse more... None of us were getting good sleep anymore. She was extremely needy and only would fall asleep nursing. I was trying hard to stop this - as i was concerned it was contributing to the problem. But she was just plain not ready. And I absolutely could not handle letting her just scream for hours. So finally I pretty much backed off - as I figured that stress over trying to wean her is probably more harmful than nursing itself. And so I got in bed with her to help her fall asleep. She just cuddled and went to sleep right away. It has NEVER happened before and it will not happen again until she is completely weaned.
I felt the urge to go to the bathroom - I was bleeding very heavy and there it was my precious little baby, lifeless, so tiny and so perfect on my pad! I broke down... My husband and son crushed out a while ago... I was the only one awake in the house...All I could do is sit there and cry staring and the tiny miracle that was no longer going to happen... Thinking back of that time - how i wish I was aware of something like this is possible when you miscarry, how i wished I have taken better look and wasn't as freaked out as I was. Just a few days ago I heard that little music of the heartbeat... this little tiny heart will never beat again... But forever it will make my heart skip a beat when I think about it. I should have been almost 9 weeks. The baby looked EXACTLY like in developmental pictures for 8 weeks - there is distinctive difference between 7 and 8 weeks, as well as between 8 and 9. That day I noticed my morning sickness was gone was the day the baby gave up the fight. I will never be able to look at those 8 weeks development pictures in a same way again.